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Dorian
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Gender : Male
Age : 25
Posts : 122
Location : Bristol

PostSubject: My poems's   Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:33 am

First up,

The sky -

Imagine if you could fly away,
In the clouds your mind would play,
Nothing that you could not say,
And flying free every day.

Even if you cannot see,
And you do not feel free,
The light will be the key,
Freedom comes, I decree.

And though it may seem a sin,
To not keep those feelings in,
To do that stabs like a pin,
So trust me and trust your kin.

The stars will guide you in the night,
And they will help you with your sight,
And provide you a lot of light,
For they will help you with this fight.

So hurry and rush through the sky,
Never listen to those who lie,
Better hurry, the end is nigh,
So watch out now, or you will die.

I got this one inside a book of poems, go me!


Next up

The Forest -

As the wood descends to night.
The moon comes and shines so bright.
Covering the land with its light.
Bringing the dark world into sight.

The creatures follow the beaten track.
Descending further in to the black.
There is no question they will be back.
Unless they become another's snack.

The woods so quiet as sprites lay.
In the morning they will go play.
Throught almost all of the day.
But now it is time to go away.
Feel free to come back around may.

That one I just have, no book it be in Sad

Tell me what you think of it's overall effect, its structure, whatever you can think of.
And the smart people out there will have noticed that in The sky, every set of four lines has the same overall number of syllables per line.
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LunarCraft
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Age : 58
Posts : 1154
Location : Weston-super-Mare

PostSubject: Re: My poems's   Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:47 am

Dorian - I really enjoyed reading both of these poems.

I found that with each of them I was able to build mental pictures from the words.

_________________
Sarah
May the Goddess light your path always,
The God protect
and your heart be filled with Love!

Brightest Blessings!


http://www.the-willow-tree.co.uk/Lunarcraft/Index.htm
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